it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
