The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
