You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize