so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
