Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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