Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
