That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
