Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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