I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
