Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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