I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
