I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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