Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
