Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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