its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
