I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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