i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
