Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
