He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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