There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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