Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
