you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
