he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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