So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
