One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
