The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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