am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He kissed a someone with a penis
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
