I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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