You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
