thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
