There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
