nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
