capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
