walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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