Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
