All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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