Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
