I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
