I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
