Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
