he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
