Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
