I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
