Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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