i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You need a sexual gate keeper
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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