i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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