well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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