omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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