If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
