I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Be still, my beating vagina.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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