If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
