you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
