he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
