I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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