69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
