I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
