I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Also, beer. Big fan.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
