Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The Olympian is in my bed
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
