so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
