Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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