I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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