Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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