i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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