I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
