She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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