toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
