he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
