Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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