This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
