I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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