she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
