She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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