he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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