Swine flu is the new snow day.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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