i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
