please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
