when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
